you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
