I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize