I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
