You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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