I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
