I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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