I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
