Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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