quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
