all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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