hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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