Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
