just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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