i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
