singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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