i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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