it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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