We're like a lot better than the average bears
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
