I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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