the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
