Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
