Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
