I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
