you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
jump out the window naked night went bad
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
