At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
