Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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