party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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