Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
