if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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