At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Terrible idea I love it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
