I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
