do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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