another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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