How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
