Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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