Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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