tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
