i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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