Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
