I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
