So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and she was petting her beer can
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
