i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
