Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
