Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
