Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
