Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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