are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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