my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
