i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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