A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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