I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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