Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
