I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
