Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
