Umm I'm too high to move.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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