Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
