i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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