you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
