Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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