he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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