Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
