I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
