She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
