I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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