The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
