Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need a beard to bite.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
