Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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