i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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