I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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