He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You are the jesus of drinking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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