Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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