He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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