I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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