My hand turned me down
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
