I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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