I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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