It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
