He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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