dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
