i would punch a child for taco bell
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We just shotgunned beers for America
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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